i've been the prey
by cyclothimic
Summary: Lena experienced life and death, literally, and it had made her…rethink a few things. Like letting go of grudges. Like allowing herself the chance to have a night off and wake up ready to forgive the most important person in her life. l or the seven Paragons succeeded and Earth-38 is back, but Kara isn't.


**i have a clexa wip that's been sitting there for a month, gathering dust, but here i am, writing yet another supercorp au, because i want to and i can.**

**now, read, ponder, and enjoy!**

* * *

_I wake in the night, I pace like a ghost;_

_The room is on fire, invisible smoke; _

_And all my heroes die alone;_

_Help me hold onto you._

_-Taylor Swift, the Archer_

* * *

The plan going wonky was never a part of her…well, her plan. It was a goal that seemed so achievable, so close, so unbelievably tangible – almost like she could just stretch out her palm and wrap her fingers around that little reality just like that. And she was _so _close to it that she could taste it – the goodness, the purity, the distillation of a world wrought with ill will and sins.

Of course, since when did things ever go well for a Luthor? All the bad and the evil brought upon the world by her family, and they never really got their comings, did they? Oh no, the universe saw it fit to let Lena Luthor be the one to suffer the consequences of her family's actions, despite her _activeness _in attempting to stop them.

Lena chuckled bitterly at the thought of it. Since when did good things ever come to her, she reminded herself as she simultaneously lifted the tumbler to her lips and the framed photograph to her vision range – _poetically _backlit by the mocking moonlight.

This one was perfectly framed, wholesome, flawless, uncracked; at least superficially anyway. She'd essentially brought scars to a photo where she looked genuinely happy and felt truly loved, surrounded by a woman she thought could be the rest of her life and another woman she thought could be something of a sister. She couldn't bear to damage another one, even it consisted of the woman who, essentially, played with her trust and thought her a fool.

"Since when did good things ever come to you?" she asked herself, a bitter smile tugging on her lips as her eyes lingered on the blonde's smiling face before lowering the frame.

Only to find the actual blonde superhero –_ liar_, her brain supplied quietly – floating across from her, the balcony railing and the window being the only barriers between the two of them. However, instead of being dressed in her red and blue garb that represented everything that she and her cousin was, Kara had on a simple pale blue T-shirt, a pair of sweatpants, and her trusty glasses. Her hair was undone, flowing and glistening unfairly under the reflected illumination. And she was also barefoot.

Lena hummed quietly to herself, suddenly finding herself a little too tired to even garner the anger that she had carried towards the Kryptonian and their so-called friends since what seemed like forever ago.

Was this poetic too?

A truce, she decided, if only for tonight. She didn't have the heart, or maybe was just a little too heartbroken, to even grant herself the privilege of throwing things at the blonde for even _thinking _of killing her at the bunker today. There was truth, and Lena had learned that today.

She slid open the balcony door and stepped back, raising her brows at the surprised expression looking back at her. Eventually though, they were in the same room, though still a significant distance apart. Lena did not want to think about the significance of the woman visiting her in that outfit.

"I was just –" Kara cut herself off, her gaze traveling to the photo still hanging by Lena's side. There was pain in her eyes, indecipherable and deep. She took a deep breath and made to look Lena in the eyes again. "I didn't know."

Lena tilted her head.

"About Alex. And the Claymore satellite. I didn't know."

Lena didn't say anything.

"I'm sorry. I tried to stop her. I just – I need you to know that I _do _trust you, Lena."

She kept quiet.

"You may think the worst of me, and I don't blame you. But _please_, trust me when I say that I trust you. _More _than pretty much _anyone _else."

She crossed her arms and looked away from Kara, opting to focus on what little was left of whichever hard liquor she had poured herself earlier. She didn't even know. She just picked a random bottle and poured herself a healthy amount of the golden liquid.

Kara huffed. And if Lena still had the confidence to claim she knew the woman who she thought was her best friend, she would say that huff was tilted with impatience and a little frustration, but Lena wouldn't dare. Since some moment she couldn't pinpoint, she had developed a fear of assuming she knew anything about anyone, most especially one Kara Danvers.

Then, following the huff, was footsteps that almost resembled hoofbeats in the quiet, pounding the carpet of her living room. And before she knew it, two hands were already gently placed on her cheeks to lift her head up. Then the next thing she could identify was warmth and tenderness and desperation, the hands on her face subtly snaking down to wrap themselves around her waist to pull her closer to the body in front.

Bewildered, it took Lena an embarrassingly long time to even understand what was going on. She blinked rapidly and took in the pores she hadn't even noticed on the pale skin that she had spent so much time staring at, the fanning eyelashes, and the golden tint to the blonde strands.

Kara was _kissing _her.

And Lena, unable to fight her, just relented and closed her eyes, her arms unwittingly slipping around Kara's neck to hold her a little closer. There had been many instances where she had dreamt and imagined this moment – she had never expected the soreness that gripped her heart and the numbness that slithered through her nerves. It was unbelievably heartbreaking.

After this, nothing would change. But still.

After what felt like too short a time, Kara pulled back and leaned their foreheads together, her eyes still closed.

"I trust you," she whispered, her words fanning against Lena's sensitive skin, "_because I love you_."

Lena could barely miss the sensation before Kara retreated and flew out the window, leaving no traces behind, apart from the warmth and tenderness that still haunted Lena's entire being.

* * *

Then it was one week of no contact. Only bare glimpses of one another on the television or at press conferences. The rebirth of the anger that had taken root in her chest.

Then there was a red sky, an odd-looking tower, and Alex Danvers strutting into her office asking for help.

Then there was calculations and computers and data processing and being inventive with less than four hours to spare because _no good thing ever came to her_.

Then there were the alien ships and the chaos and the sudden onslaught of the knowledge that there were _multiple earths_.

Then there was an entirely different universe and no way out and seemingly an eternity with a group of people she couldn't even bring herself to make eye contact with because _they betrayed her_.

Then there was a brighter red sky that engulfed all of them before she even had the time to process it.

Then there was…nothing.

* * *

For a genius, Lena didn't know a lot of things. It wasn't technically her fault; she died, after all. Eviscerated by a red wave. Reduced to nothing but atoms. Erased from existence. All because a god – Lena didn't believe in gods – decided to play with science – Lena laughed at the idea of gods.

But suddenly, she was back. Somehow, oddly, inexplicably, gasping awake on her couch in her barely used penthouse. Instead of the quiet and loneliness that she usually felt in her own place – not home – the chaos and screams and yells of misunderstanding and confusion had rung all the way up to her, echoing through the still opened glass doors of her balcony. Cars had been honking and occasionally, crashes could be heard.

The CEO had had multiple attempts on her life. Assassins, mafia, her _own _mother, just name it, she had probably experienced them. She had never really imagined that she would die the way she did. She definitely hadn't imagined that she would be able to come back.

It had been the oddest thing, that – and she had been in _space _on an _alien ship _with a _genocidal maniac _trying to _breed her _with _her son_.

That had been two months ago. Things didn't take long to resettle. After all, the world didn't really have time to pass, given that the world had ceased to exist for awhile there. This was a…reset, as Alex had told her, almost like Anti-Monitor had never existed, like the multiverse had never been put off reset. The seven Paragons had reset the multiverse and allowed infinite earths to survive.

At a great cost.

Lena experienced life and death, literally, and it had made her…rethink a few things. Like letting go of grudges. Like letting herself take another's perspective and think about reasons of why she had been kept in the dark regarding certain things. Like allowing herself the chance to have a night off and wake up ready to forgive the most important person in her life.

Except that person _wasn't _there for her to forgive. Because Supergirl had, essentially, disappeared. Nowhere to be found. Just like the other seven Paragons, as she and Alex had found out when they visited all the other earths where the Paragons ought to be. Not even her despicable brother.

Everyone from the Paragons' teams – for the lack of better word – was scrambling to locate their heroes. Only they _couldn't_. They couldn't very well demand to meet with the Monitor, because the guy was an asshole and apparently, an elevated crisis meant he was nowhere to be found or summoned.

She and Alex didn't actually give up on looking for Kara and J'onn. Apart from doing their parts in saving the city as much as they could without superpowered aliens there, they had been pooling together all their resources to come with numerous inventions to locate the heroes. Hell, they had even resorted to building a permanent communication channel with the earths from where the Paragons belonged so they could share their discoveries – or lack thereof.

Two months, and no signs of a certain bright and happy blonde. And Lena discovered that she had the capacity to _miss _people to this extent.

The laughter. The eyes. The scar. The optimism. The absolute adoration that never seemed to go away even when there was suspicion.

She _missed _her.

Her phone buzzed on her desktop as she was staring out the balcony, the sun having long set, replaced by a hanging moon. She was particularly remembering those times when Kara would just _float _right outside, smiling at her, nothing said between them.

_Alex [9:21p.m.]: Brace yourself_

She couldn't even type her reply when she heard that familiar whoosh, flutter of a cape, colliding against the war, like the figure carrying it was trying to fight against time to reach their destination. Her breath halted in her chest, because she could recognize that noise anywhere, but she didn't dare lift her gaze, only gazing down at the lingering text from Alex.

She didn't dare, because what if it wasn't real?

If it wasn't real, what did that mean for her?

She didn't have to look up, apparently.

A pair of strong heeled boots landed on her balcony. The door was slid open easily. The boots clicked, slow but steady, towards her, until a pair of red ones appeared in her line of sight. The legs bent to a kneel, and right in her face, was a Kara Danvers, who looked _radiant _if not world-ridden, _happy _if not heavy, _alive_.

Lena released the air she had been holding in a trembling breath, stalled and unsteady. Out of her control, her tear ducts lost control of their dams and tears began pouring out of her eyelids. Her teeth clicked together and she brought her hand to her mouth as she tried and failed to avoid sobbing like an absolute asshole.

Kara reached out, crowding into Lena, and cupped Lena's face, leaning their forehead against each other.

"I'm sorry," she whispered reverently.

And _oh_, it was so good to hear her voice.

"I'm so sorry."

Lena's hideous hiccup was abruptly smothered by a pair of soft lips covering hers. She sobbed into those lips, but she didn't forget to enclose her hands around the blonde's nape, holding her closer and swearing to all _gods _that she was never letting go. Not ever.

Kara was back. And there were things to talk about. So many things. But right now, after having lived and died and lived again, having gone through two fucking months without this woman at least _physically _present within her vicinity, Lena knew this was something she would be holding onto for the rest of her unpredictable life.

* * *

**also lena is the paragon of humanity idk a ryan choi kthxbaix**


End file.
